


Red Eye

by PhunkyBrewster



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 07:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2956850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhunkyBrewster/pseuds/PhunkyBrewster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crisis can bring the farthest of hearts together...even when they're thousands of miles apart. Canon-divergent. Takes place sometime after Think Like a Peter. Mindy x Danny. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Eye

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of these characters. This has been sitting in my computer for weeks and I recently received some loving encouragement to post it. I hope you like it! Please leave a review, if you can! I love, love, love hearing from you all.

Danny vaguely registered the feeling of his fists pounding against hard wood, though he wasn’t sure that he ever actually intended to knock on her door.

He never meant to run all the way to her apartment in the first place either, so now he was convinced that his body was just reacting on its own. Which was fine. This was where he needed to be, even if he should be at his own apartment, actually processing the news.

The door swung open in a way that Danny always felt was too welcoming for the city. What if he had been an intruder? It was harder to slam a door shut in defense when she opened it so indiscriminately like that. Did she even bother to ask him to announce himself? He tamped down the urge to launch into a lecture the way he used to and tried to make a mental note to go over acceptable door-opening procedures later. He couldn’t, though. Not right then.

“Danny,” Mindy greeted conservatively before giving him this new tight-lipped smile that he _hated_. He painfully missed the glittering, all-teeth beam that he used to get even before they had ever dared to kiss and test the boundaries of their relationship. Now their interactions were much like her new smile: muted, tense, polite without involving much else. It felt like nothing more than a false start.

And now she was shifting and beginning to rock backwards only minutely, enough to look as if she was briefly considering stepping back inside. It made _him_ feel like an intruder, which absolutely shattered his heart even though he understood completely. Thankfully she remained in her spot, even though she was still standing guard.

“Hey,” he breathed.

“So weird that you’re here, actually,” Mindy continued with a forced lightness. Another thing that was new and just for him. Another thing he hated. “I, uh, just saw this commercial for the Bon Jovi tour –“

“Min, I really need you.”

The shielded horror in her eyes at his declaration made him want to bang his head against the door frame. _God, how can I be such a stupid asshole?_

“’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to blurt, uh…” His right hand was now gesturing nonsensically and his head suddenly felt sickeningly light as he considered just what he was trying to say. “I’m just…”

“What is it, Danny?” she urged. He couldn’t tell if her anxious tone was due to annoyance or worry. Maybe it was a combination of the two.

He swallowed hard in an attempt to alleviate some of the dryness in his throat. “It’s Alan – um…it’s my dad. He had a heart attack.”

“Oh my God!” Her hand flew to rest over her heart. And he felt momentarily disgusted by the fact that the genuine look of concern in her eyes actually briefly relieved him at a time like this.

“He’s alive,” he clarified, “but unresponsive and they don’t know…”

As soon as he stopped speaking it appeared that Mindy realized that he was still standing in the hallway. With a brief shake of her head she stepped to the side and beckoned him into the apartment. “God, I’m so sorry. Come in, come in.”

Only two big steps landed him inside her space. It felt more like coming home than him stepping into his own apartment. Now wasn’t the best time to tell her that. He moved less assuredly to her couch, but didn’t sit. Mindy closed the door and faced him, wrapping her arms protectively around herself and keeping her distance.

“So…are you okay?”

All he could do was shrug. He honestly didn’t know what he was feeling. “I keep going back and forth in my head regarding what I should do. Half of me knows I should go and see him. The other half keeps saying ‘let the sonofabitch die.’ I mean, he _said_ he wanted to try a relationship with me, but what has he done, you know? It was just another empty promise.”

“Danny –“

“And yeah, I could have made an effort too,” he continued, not ready to really soak in her pity yet. “But he’s the one that messed up and he’s the one that said he wanted to make amends and months pass and still…he didn’t change, Min. Not really, not for me. And now he could be on his death bed and I’m still having to fight that part of me that considered him dead long ago, just for the sake of being the bigger person, which I reeeeally don’t want to be.” He finally looked up at her to find an unreadable expression. He couldn’t tell if she was sympathizing with him or watching a monster unfold in front of her eyes in the midst of his rambling.

“I know that sounds awful,” he said meekly.

“It does,” she admitted, “but I get it.”

He nodded, though the motion didn’t feel necessary. “I’ve changed my mind at least six times since I got the call. Right now I think I need to go.”

“You should!”

“I need you to come with me, though.”

Her arms dropped and her eyes went round. “What?”

“Mindy, I have no right to ask you for anything,” he admitted hoarsely with a forward step. “I know that, okay? And it would make much more sense for you to say no than it would for you to say yes.”

“I’d have to agree, it would,” Mindy responded with a nod, breaking eye contact to stare at her toes.

“The thing is, I’m struggling to make good choices here. And I know I’ve landed on one by deciding to go, but that desire to blow him off is still really present. And even though I’m going, I still have to fight to not tell him to go to hell once and for all. I just… _need_ you there with me, Min. I’m the best version of me with you around.”

That was enough to earn him a look of mild disgust. “Oh, fucking _come on_ , Danny.”

“I know.”

“Are you really-”

Without thinking he rushed to her and placed firm hands on her shoulders, dipping enough to catch her eyes with his. “I know what that sounds like, okay, but it’s true. You keep me in the light and that’s where I need to be while I’m there. If not for me, then for Lil’ Danny. I don’t want to cause her more trauma. Just… _please_ be there with me. You know how I feel about begging, but I’m begging you here. I wouldn’t ask anyone else. Not even Richie.”

Begging made him feel naked. He loathed the sensation, but staring at her face and being this close to her for the first time in months made him care far less than he usually would. And the fact that she wasn’t looking at him with the contempt he had anticipated…he would beg all night if that’s what it took.

“When are you leaving?” she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper.

He held his position, swallowing hard once again. “I’d take the red eye tonight. I’d only stay tomorrow and Sunday if he improves. Come back Monday morning.”

Mindy briefly nodded her understanding and stood silently for a moment, purposely disrupting eye contact once again. After a moment, she gently took his hands and pried them off of her shoulders. Wordlessly, she turned and headed towards her room with neither a promise to return nor a demand for him to leave. Danny remained stationed in his spot, unsure of how to react or what to do with his hands. He shoved them into his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, just so he felt like he was doing something other than standing in the middle of Mindy’s apartment helplessly. A handful of silent seconds passed and just as he opened his mouth to call out her name, he heard a loud thud come from her room. Though alarming, no sounds of pain or despair followed.

“Min?”

In lieu of an answer she simply reappeared with a medium-sized suitcase being dragged in her wake.

“Any chance you might know what the weather’s like in the middle of the desert?” she asked as she heaved the luggage onto the couch. As she searched for the main zipper, Danny relaxed with a sigh.

Mindy shrugged as opened the case and reviewed a stack of clothes already inside. “I guess we really wouldn’t really be venturing far beyond the hospital anyway. I’ll just bring a sweater.”

“Mindy, you’re an angel.”

“I know!” she chirped nervously, choosing to focus on the task of packing. Danny came to her side.

“I mean it,” he insisted. “This means so much to me.”

“Danny, it’s fine. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“I’m buying your ticket.”

“No, it’s cool. I’m trying to rack up frequent flyer miles on my card, anyway. “

“Min-“

“You’re not paying-“

“Let me do this for you!” His desperation to convey his utmost appreciation elevated his voice in a way that made his insistence come across as more of a barking outburst. Mindy’s mouth clamped shut and her expression was timid. Danny instantly felt angry with himself. “I didn’t mean to yell. You’re doing something big for me; this is the absolute least I can do for you.”

After a pause, the tight-lipped half smile was back and she nodded her acceptance of his offer before returning to her bag. “Well, it’s not going to take me that long to pack, shockingly. Just give me an hour and we can go by your place to get your stuff, okay?”

“I’ll book the flight.”

“’kay.”

“Mindy.” Before he could stop himself his fingers wrapped around her wrist. Her skin was softer than he remembered, which was information that he truly wished he didn’t have. Her eyes darted towards the contact and her chest inflated and stilled, like she was holding her breath. Suddenly the words were stuck in his throat. When she did look up at him, the lightheaded feeling returned.

“It’s fine,” she assured him. “You’re welcome.” She extracted herself from his hold and returned to her room, closing the door behind her. And though he could hear the opening of drawers and the shuffling of clothes hangers as she prepared to cross the country with him, she still felt agonizingly far away.

 

* * *

 

Years ago a patient of Danny’s made an off-handed comment about how all hospitals looked the same. He didn’t bother arguing the point with her – it was harmless, after all – but she couldn’t have been more wrong. The lights were brighter at St. Brendan’s, almost blinding. It was something he used to half-heartedly complain about, but he grew to appreciate the life it gave to the whole institution. “Bright lights, brighter possibilities” Mindy chirped once. As silly as he thought she sounded at the time, he believed it in his heart. In his scrubs, he walked into the O.R. each time with the feeling that the day would end with the best possible outcome.

At Trinity Medical Center, the lights were depressingly dim in comparison. He stepped inside the lobby and immediately steeled himself for the worst. Even with Mindy at his side, he couldn’t quite summon the same invincible feeling he was accustomed to whenever he was Dr. Castellano. As Danny the Family Visitor, there was only uncertainty: unsure that his father would pull through, unsure that his response would be appropriate if he didn’t…

They were given visitors badges and directed to the elevators. Mindy entered first and pressed the fourth floor button.

“Man, stepping into another hospital feels so weird,” she said quietly.

He nodded. “Tell me about it.”

“Danny, are you gonna be okay?” Mindy turned to him and asked as the elevator doors shut. She placed a steady, caring hand on his shoulder. “This would be a lot even under better circumstances, but–”

“Yeah, I know,” he muttered as his hand came up across his body and patted hers. “You being here helps. I promise.”

She didn’t react with much more than a faint nod before he released her hand and the elevator dinged their arrival. They stepped into the cardiac wing and made their way down a quiet hallway until they reached a visitors’ desk manned by a kind bespectacled nurse. She pointed them in the direction of the double doors, where the halls were busier and brighter. They walked until the hall split before another set of double doors. To the left was another waiting area that was occupied by a blond woman and a young girl with a bushy ponytail, leaning her head against the woman’s shoulder.

“Is that Lil’ Danny?” Mindy asked. Though her voice wasn’t above a whisper, the girl’s head rose almost instinctively and looked over the short wall until she spotted them. She perked up instantly.

“Danny!” she cried. “Mindy! Thank God you’re here!”

Danny opened his arms as she came running towards them and crashed into him with a tight bear hug.

“How you holdin’ up, kid?” he asked affectionately. It was amazing how quickly he grew attached to her after only one meeting.

“Terribly,” she uttered into his jacket. “He’s still in coma.”

He gave her back a quick pat before she broke off to give Mindy the same big hug. The sight of Mindy embracing his little sister so fiercely gripped his heart.

Danny was watching them so intently that he missed the blonde woman of small stature approach him. She gave him a smile that he guessed would have looked much warmer in a different setting.

“You must be Danny,” she greeted softly.

“And you must Tara.” Danny offered her a hand. She looked at it for a moment and gently pushed it to the side.

“No, no. None of that.” Tara reached upward and wrapped one sinewy arm around his neck and the other around his back in an aggressively affectionate hug, complete with pats on the back. He returned the embrace with great hesitation as he struggled to ignore how much this felt like being lovingly gripped by Annette Castellano. Tara didn’t share much else with his mother – Tara was blonde and at least ten years younger – but both women were tiny forces that insisted on making sure their love was unquestionably felt. It made him uneasy; she was theoretically something like an enemy, right? He didn’t think his mother would be quite so keen on hugging her had she been in his place.

“Yes, yes,” he said as he as he awkwardly patted her on her shoulder. “Uh, nice to meet you.” They disengaged, but he kept calm hands on her upper arms. He couldn’t decide if the stance was a way of providing comfort or restraining her from showing more affection. He cleared his throat once before continuing. “How is he? What happened?”

She sighed, which made her look even more tired. “Well, he had a heart attack while we were at home,” she recounted, “and was immediately brought into surgery. Then the doctor said he slipped into a coma, where he’s been ever since. The doctor tried to explain a lot of the technical…medical…” She gesticulated vaguely when her words failed her. “Honestly, the past fourteen or so hours have been such a damn blur that I can barely tell you my middle name.”

“I’m sure,” he replied sympathetically.

She nodded absently as her gaze wandered over to Mindy’s direction. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart, I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Tara, Alan’s wife.”

Mindy politely smiled and waved sweetly. “I’m Mindy! I’m Danny’s friend –”

“Best friend,” Danny interjected before he could stop himself. “She’s my best friend and colleague. Mindy actually met Danny and Alan the last time we were here.”

“Oh! Mindy,” Tara repeated with new comprehension. “Yes, of course! I heard so many wonderful things about you when I got back from my work trip. I’m glad I finally get to meet you!” She moved forward for another friendly hug, which Mindy was far more prepared to reciprocate than Danny had been. When Mindy finally stepped back she tilted her head with a sympathetic expression.

“Do you need us to get you anything?”

Tara rewarded Mindy with a sad smile. “You’re sweet. I’m okay. I have to swing by the house and get Alan’s insurance cards. You all can visit with him, if you’d like. Danny can show you where he is. I won’t be gone more than twenty minutes, I promise.”

“No, take your time. We’ll be here.”

“Oh, and are you staying with us while you’re here?”

Mindy opened her mouth to answer, but Danny stepped in.

“I was actually planning on finding a hotel in the area.”

Tara shook her head with a forward step. She took his hands in her smaller ones. “It’s my fault. I phrased it as a question rather than a statement of fact, so let me correct myself: you two **are** staying with us while you’re here. And I’m going to feed you and make sure that you’re comfortable.”

She was a fiery one and quite authoritative, even though he suspected that she wasn’t much older than him. His father had a type.

Danny smirked and accepted her offer. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Danielle why don’t you take them to dad’s room? I’ll be right back.”

The little girl meekly agreed and led them around the corner while her mother walked quickly towards the elevators.

“I’ve been talking to dad a lot. I think he can hear me. Is that stupid?”

“No way, babe,” Mindy assured her brightly. “I bet he can hear you, too.”

The corner of Lil’ Danny’s mouth lifted just a fraction. “Good. I probably wouldn’t have stopped anyway.”

The girl walked a few paces ahead to a door in the corner of a dead end of a forked hall. Danny wasn’t sure he was prepared to see him just yet, but it didn’t matter. His sister already opened the door without preamble, stepping aside to allow the new guests to enter. Mindy turned towards Danny first. There. There was the encouragement he was so acquainted with.

“C’mon.” Mindy held out her hand for him to take. “Just chat with him for a couple minutes.”

Clasping her hand with his, he allowed himself to be tugged into the room.

Alan looked to have aged considerably since Danny last saw him – beyond the machines, tubes, and the darkening shadow of incoming stubble. It might have had something to do with his overall helplessness, or how he resembled an old patient at St. Brendan’s who had no reachable family and tried to flee repeatedly. In any case, he didn’t look like a man who should be surrounded by loved ones.

_He shouldn’t get to be,_ Danny thought bitterly. _He left his family decades ago. That should forfeit the privilege of this lovely bedside vigil, right?_

He concluded that Mindy must have stopped holding his hand some time ago if his brain were able to produce such caustic thoughts. Her simplest of touches had calming abilities. These were judgments that were usually reserved for solitude.

“Dad, Danny and Mindy are here,” the youngest called out tentatively. The fact that nobody expected a response didn’t assuage the heartbreak in her eyes nor the silence in the room. The three looked amongst the bed, the monitors, and the unconscious man.

“Are you okay, Danny?” Mindy asked lowly. “How do you feel?”

Danny shrugged, indicating that he wasn’t sure. That was a lie. He knew exactly how he felt: numb. Indifferent. Numb, however, sounded so much worse than “I don’t know.”

Nobody talked over the intermittent beeps of the equipment or the generic buzz of the television above. Minutes passed before the sound of an aggressively growling stomach cut through the air. Danny couldn’t even peg the source until his sister clutched her stomach.

“You haven’t eaten yet?” He asked protectively, not even jarred by how easily he could slip into Big Brother Mode with a girl he had only known for a few months.

Shaking her head, she replied. “I’m not hungry. My stomach’s just being dumb.”

He started to dig for his wallet, preparing to nudge her in the direction of some food, until Mindy leaned forward and gave Lil’ Danny a sweet smile.

“You know, I overheard some of the nurses say that the breakfast here is pretty killer, which is a good sign that it’s probably true. Wanna come with me and we can find out together?”

She appeared to be giving it some thought when her stomach gurgled again. With a roll of her eyes, she agreed to accompany Mindy to the cafeteria. “Maybe they’ll have waffles.”

“Hell yeah, my friend. That’s the kind of optimism I like in a breakfast buddy.”

Mindy looked to Danny. “Take your time. We’ll be in the waiting area after we’re done eating, okay?”

Danny nodded and mouthed “thank you” before they both disappeared through the door.

It was difficult for him to picture the last time he had actually been alone with his father. All he could recall was that it involved a certain degree of embarrassment, possibly after getting caught practicing his pirouettes in the kitchen. Or after Alan overheard him flirting heavily with Yvonne Rialdo over the phone.

At that moment, though, he felt that similar “caught” feeling. It was the silence that preceded some sort of formal acknowledgment of something he’d rather not recognize. He didn’t want to defend his passion for dance. He didn’t want to go over the muddier points of The Sex Discussion and why exploring any sort of sexual curiosity with Yvonne Rialdo was a dangerous idea. He definitely didn’t want to discuss why seeing his father this way did nothing to dull some of the sharper edges of his anger towards him.

Danny walked to the other side of the hospital bed and took a seat in the upholstered chair. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. He couldn’t help but search for some sign of life.

“You know,” Danny croaked. “I’ve gotta be honest: there were times in college when I was busting my ass to pay my way through school – while I was on that freezing fishing boat or when I was dancing for some sloppy bachelorette - during those times…I kind of pictured you like this, in some hospital bed somewhere far away where you couldn’t do much of anything. It made me feel better, you know? Like…like you physically _couldn’t_ be there for me and Richie instead of just choosing…”

He had to take a moment to exhale. This was somehow harder than talking to the man while he was awake.

“You were dead to me for a looong time, Alan,” he continued under his breath. “And it needed to be that way, I think. I needed to focus on Ma and Richie, not how much I hated you. And during the tougher times I would imagine you here, in this bed, living your last days alone. And that’s pretty fucked up of me, I know that. But I think it was fair retribution for you abandoning your family. I didn’t know that you were creating a second chance for yourself. You seem to have figured it out, though. We could have used that second chance, but hey…brava, I guess.”

Danny shifted until he was leaning back and able to get a good look at Alan's face. Even as he was comatose, he looked like the words were penetrating his state and taking their effect. He looked almost remorseful.

“Look, Alan,” Danny sighed. “If there’s a chance at all that you’re still in there…if you’re debating whether or not you should keep going and looking for opinions on the matter…it’s my humble opinion that you should stick around. You’ve got two great women in your life that need you, you’ve got Richie…between you and me I think even Ma would be happy to hear that you pulled through.”

Progress was physically straining when all he wanted to do was lash out. Moving on chewed at his instincts to yell and ball his fists. He needed Mindy here as affirmation, or just to trace patterns on his back and ease him.

The last thought elicited a barking laugh and he dragged a hand over his own emerging stubble. “God, how did you do it, old man? This is not the fatherly advice that I ever imagined seeking from you, but I need to know! How did you just walk away and not feel utterly useless? How did you manage to stay away? I…I tried it. Even after I managed to halfway convince myself that I was doing this altruistic thing, I didn’t even get a foot past her door before I started to feel like I was leaving a goddamn limb behind! How do you live with that? I honestly want to know.”

Something told him that even if Alan was conscious that he wouldn’t have gotten an answer. Danny let out a defeated sigh.

“‘It’s easier to know, but it’s better that I don’t.’ You and Ma used to say that to us a lot when we would ask about the world and growing up. That might have been the one of three things you two ever agreed on.”

The monitors continued to beep in response, and Alan wasn’t any more awake than he was when Danny arrived. Spent, Danny looked around aimlessly until his eyes landed on the small remote on the surface next to him. He grabbed it and aimed it at the flat television mounted in front of the bed, eagerly clicking through the channels until he landed on ESPN as they were shouting their prediction for the upcoming baseball season.

“Man, have you heard this idiot talk about the Yankees?” he asked with a groan. “Guy talks like he saw his first baseball yesterday, the moron. Should we leave it here or move on?” He looked back at his father’s resting form, waited a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. Next.”

* * *

 

"Hey.”

Even though Mindy was the only one in the waiting area, he kept his voice low as if he was still in danger of disturbing some sacred peace. She tore her eyes away from the television to turn towards his call. Smiling, she greeted him with a tiny wave.

“I’m sorry I stayed away. I thought you might’ve needed some time to yourself with him.”

“It’s fine, really. I think I did need to be by myself with him for a little bit.”

“Did it help?”

He moved to take a seat next to her on the small couch. “A little bit. There’s still a lot of…” He didn’t know how to finish the thought. “It’s unfinished. But I’m more willing to finish it now. Well, later, I guess.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s good, Danny! Call me optimistic, but I think he’s gonna pull through.”

Danny nodded. “Maybe. I hope so.”

She patted him gently before standing to her feet and taking the short walk to the vending machine. “So Danny and I ate a huge breakfast, which made her tired, and Tara looked like she needed a serious nap. So I ordered them to go back home and get a couple of hours of sleep. I told them we would stay and call right away if there were any major updates.”

“That was sweet of you.”

When she gave him another genuine smile he felt like he was waking up from a long slumber. Like his senses were getting sharper and awareness was returning to him. He missed her so much. And he needed her to know.

She bought a bag of plain chips and returned to her seat next to him. “You can always take a nap, you know. I can keep watch-”

“No, no,” he waved her off as he sunk deeper into his seat. “I’m good. I promise.”

She nodded, sinking until they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “Okay.”

They looked at the cartoon on TV and she opened her chips. Danny hadn’t the faintest idea of what they were watching, but he watched. “I know that I declared him dead to me more liberally than I probably should have, but fuck. I didn’t want to see him like that, you know? I thought I did, but I didn’t. I’m hoping that he improves before Richie gets here. He shouldn’t have to see that.” When he didn’t immediately hear Mindy respond, he glanced at her to find her looking at him softly, grinning.

“I’m proud of you,” she said. “You didn’t have to come here. I know you didn’t want to. But you’re here and you look so…light’s not the word, but you look light _er_ , like a weight has been lifted off of you. You’re the only one who could have accomplished that for yourself.”

“Min,” he sighed while a warmth spread throughout his limbs and chest. “You- ”

“I flew here for free and partook in a surprisingly fantastic waffle bar,” she interrupted while waving a chip in her hand. “You got closure on your own.”

He watched her intently, then let his hand search for hers. She froze. When she didn’t pull away, he felt bolstered. “Mindy, I…really want us to –”

“Danny.”

“I need to talk –”

“Danny,” she cut off his momentum firmer this time, keeping her face impassive as she did. “We should just focus on your dad and this episode of Gravity Falls because it’s really good, trust me. When we get home, we can maybe talk then. Okay?”

She punctuated her resolve with an offer of chips. He couldn’t help his disappointment, but appreciated the sign of hope. He sighed and reached into her bag. “Okay.”

When she settled back into her seat and let their shoulders touch, he decided that in that moment, it was enough.

* * *

 

And that feeling instantly dissipated when they returned to the city two days later, after hours holed up in a hospital and days politely tiptoeing around each other at Tara’s house.

They were home late Monday morning with news that Alan’s coma was less of a coma and more of a stupor, which was a little more promising. They were tired. He’s definitely felt cleaner. And while he knew that he probably should wait, he just...couldn’t.

They arrived at Mindy’s apartment by cab. She said she could go up on her own. He insisted that he walk her up.

“Danny, I mean this lovingly,” she said cautiously, “you look like shit. Go home.”

“I’m fine,” he laughed. “I mean, I _feel_ like shit, but I want to walk you up. Please.”

Her head tilted to the side in the way it did when she was peering into him. It used to unnerve until he realized that it made matters so much simpler. Less talking on his part. “You really want to do this now?”

When he simply nodded, she stood still for a moment until the driver reminded them that the meter was running. With a huff, Mindy paid the man and headed towards her building door. “Well, come on.”

He followed her silently into the building, aboard the elevator, and all the way to her door. It took her longer than usual to get the key into the keyhole, which he prayed was due to nerves and not dread. Once they were inside, she immediately went for her coffeemaker.

“I’m going to drink. You’re going to talk.”

Nodding, Danny searched for the words necessary to begin. “Um…I’m not sure where to even start. The weird thing is that it feels like I’ve been practicing what to say in this moment since the minute I…”

_Since the minute I bolted like a coward_ , he hissed internally. It was traumatic enough to acknowledge it on his own. He didn’t quite have the guts yet to admit it to her.

“Mindy, you know what things were like when my dad left –”

“Danny, _no_.” Mindy slammed her mug on the counter and spun around to face him, already exasperated. Traveling had nearly eliminated her already waning patience. “We can cut this short right now if that’s – look, you can’t put this one on your dad.”

“I’m not!” Danny took a few steps forward so that he was closer to the counter. “I promise I’m not trying to pass the buck here. I just mean that since he left, I’ve tried so hard to prove to everyone and myself that I’m not like him. I stayed with Christina when things were bleak, I went back to her when I thought there was an opportunity to make things better, hell, I even tried to win Eyepatch back just to prove that I hadn’t failed in another relationship. I didn’t even love her. And even though these women didn’t turn out to be necessities to me, it hurt like hell to feel like I failed them somehow.”

He braved a small step around the counter so that they were at least on the same side, but he didn’t dare go near her yet.

“But you,” he continued softly. “I meant every word that I said: I _have to have you_ in my life. You’re like air to me, Min. If I managed to screw it up with you like I did with the others…look where they are now. I could never handle that becoming us. I barely survived the past few months.”

“Danny, I’d say you survived just fine,” Mindy said with crossed arms. Her tone was so acidic. He was beginning to worry that he wasn’t getting through to her. “You had no problem ‘surviving’ with Peter’s sister.”

He had enough decency to hang his head at that recollection. “That…I will never be able to express to you just how much I regret that. I’m not sure what I was looking for there, aside from a chance to move on with someone I knew I could never love. That makes no sense, I know. I just knew that I could never replace you and didn’t even want to tempt fate by finding someone that I had a snowball’s chance in hell with. It was stupid and disrespectful and I’m _so_ sorry.”

All she could muster for a response was a tiny nod and silence for him to continue.

“All I know is that when it came to you, I panicked,” Danny sighed. “I panicked at the idea that one day we’d be nothing more than two people who used to date. As a reflex I just defaulted to what I knew. Mindy, I wasn’t sure I could be a good husband or even a good boyfriend. But I knew that I could be a good friend. I thought that going back to that was the best way to keep you in my life and I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

When her head dropped, his mouth shut. More should be said, he knew at least that much, but he also wanted to show her that he could listen.

“Danny,” she uttered, her voice a little hoarser. “You don’t think I was scared? You don’t think I know that I have shit to work through? For years I had just resigned myself to the idea that I would never be good enough for you. _Years_. Do you know how hard it is to undo years of that sort of thinking? And when you decided to keep us a secret, I just felt like you were confirming it.”

“Jesus, Min.” He almost wanted to cry. “I never meant to make you think that way.”

“Well, I did and you didn’t help,” she snapped. She bit down on her lip just as it started to quiver. “But I wanted you to think I was cool, so I didn’t speak up about how shitty the idea made me feel. That was my mistake. I should have been upfront with you instead of treating it like a game.”

“Well, I shouldn’t have proposed the idea in the first place.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

Standing in silence, Danny couldn’t help enjoying their ability to agree on something, even if that something was his poor decision-making. It felt like a step forward.

“Can I tell you something honest?”

Mindy shrugged, but looked at him expectantly. He gave a hint of a smile.

“If you ever forgive me and decide to be with me again,” he said. “I’m telling everyone who will listen. I’m serious. Patients, our coworkers, the mailman, Doris…I want everyone to know.”

Her mouth screwed to the side for a moment as she looked at him challengingly. “I thought you didn’t want people knowing our business.”

“And I’m never going to want everyone to know everything,” he admitted willingly. “But the...the fact that you chose me after everything we’ve been through, there’s no way I’d keep my mouth shut about that one. Mindy, I don’t care anymore about people knowing some of our business. I just want us to _have_ business. Danny and Mindy business. That’s what I want more than anything. I don’t want to close myself off to you anymore and I’m sorry that I ever thought that that was the way. I want you to have all of me.”

Mindy’s breath hitched a little, and he was so ecstatic that he was still able to take her breath away in some fashion. It made him feel bold enough to step closer to her until he was sharing her space. His hand instinctively sought out hers, intertwining their fingers. She took a moment to stare at their clasped hands, confirming that she was actually allowing them to have this sort of closeness, to let him back in. When she didn’t pull away, Danny grazed the fingertips of his other hand up and down her arm. She lifted her tired eyes to his, and waited.

“Mindy, I’m in love with you,” he almost whispered. “I know there are better ways to keep you in my life for good. Please let me prove it to you.”

The corner of her mouth quirked upward as her eyes roamed his face. “We’ve got so much to work through.”

“We do, but that’s exciting to me.”

“And I don’t want this to be some form of life affirmation. Like seeing your dad makes you want to feel alive again. I don’t want this to be your version of skydiving.”

“That’s not what this is at all, Min. And skydiving is dumb. I’d never want to emulate it in any way.”

The joke made her snort and she looked down almost shamefully at the fact. “Danny…”

“I’m serious.” He tipped her chin with the curve of his index finger so that he had her eye contact once again. “And seeing my dad isn’t what made me feel lifeless inside, being without you did. Believe me. Please.”

She didn’t immediately answer. There was a long stretch of silence where she simply looked at him like she was searching for the faintest sign of insincerity. He waited patiently for her to place a hand on his chest, just over his heart. When wrapped his arms around her waist, she did nothing to stop him. His forehead rested against hers and he breathed her in like he wanted to recommit her essence to his memory. Mindy slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let out a staccato breath. When she remained silent, he pulled her in closer.

“Can you say something, Min?” he asked quietly.

“Sorry,” she sighed. “I’m silently berating myself for giving in so easily. I always imagined making you really grovel. Like, crawling on the floor, tears and snot streaming down your face, kissing my shoes-type stuff.”

“Yeah? What changed?”

Mindy lifted her head enough to look at him once more before she leaned in and kissed him soundly on his lips. Danny succumbed instantly, taking in the softness of her lips like they were the only sign of real life. They clutched each other in her kitchen, his hang-ups forgotten much like her coffee. When they parted with his hand slipped into her hair and both of hers preciously cupping his face, she answered, “I just don’t want to see the man I love that way.”


End file.
